Mickey Spillane's First Book of Fairy Tales


Story #1: The Three Wise Men

Three Wise Men met one dark, rainy day on some nameless street in the bowels of the city.

The first Wise Man said, "The key to life is Truth."

The second Wise Man said, "No, brother, the key to life is Goodness."

The third Wise Man, trenchcoat flapping in the angry wind, said, "No, you're both chumps. The key to life is this." As if in slow motion, the first two Wise Men watched the third whip a .38 from his belt, and give them both a facectomy.

Moral: Don't talk about stupid shit when someone nearby has a gun.

Story #2: The Wise Man and the Goatherd

A Wise Man stalked across the lonely, howling countryside. He met a young goatherd, idly watching his sheep wander away across the desolate valley. "My son," said the Wise Man, "shouldn't you endeavor to perform your job to the best of your ability?"

"Fuck you, pops," replied the goatherd, knifing the Wise Man repeatedly.

Moral: Nobody likes a Wise Guy.

Story #3: Alone at Night

A Wise Man ventured casually along 42nd Street on midnight.

"Get ready to die, wiseass," a young punk murmured.

The Wise Man spun around, delivering kicks and chops with deadly accuracy. When he was done, a steaming lump of flesh that was once a young punk lay spread out on the sidewalk.

Moral: Don't be a Wise Man unless you can take care of yourself.


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